Fake it till I Make it

Hey Guys,

Please excuse the radio silence of late! I never meant for it to go on this long! As I mentioned in my last post, I've lost my mojo, well that’s not exactly the whole story, but it’s the shortest explanation.

You want the long story? Here you go

Lets go back, **you may need to make a cuppa to get through this** just saying….

When I finished my 6 week course in the gym at the end of July I was delighted with my results but I was also very tired. So I decided to give my body and weeks off the gym to recover after the intense six weeks. But I found that the less I was doing, the more tired I was, I wasn't off my healthy eating, I was just resting the body! So the crazy tiredness seemed a little bit dramatic.

However I couldn't shake it, I woke up after 8-10 hours of sleep more tired then when I went to bed, everything became an effort, I didn't want to make plans to see anyone or so anything. I just wanted to get through my days at work and get home so I could rest and go to sleep again!!

I went to see the doctor, he suggested I give my body the same amount of sleep every night and not try to “catch up” on my sleep at the weekends! (I am guilty of that, who doesn't love a lie in?)

He suggested a 30 day course of vitamins and some light exercise to tire me out (not that I needed it)

But the tiredness wasn't going away, people were commenting that I looked awful and pale and tired. It was getting me down BIG time, and I’m an emotional eater, so me being sad and moany means me trying to fill my sad belly with lotas of junk food! I was having good days and bad days with regards to food!

My weekly weigh in’s for August were all attended (Is “I’m tired” a good enough reason to skip? I didn't think so) But I was up one pound, down one pound. It was really getting me down, and affecting all aspects of my life, I was trying to go to the gym once a week and go for walks, but even during these, I wanted to cry with tiredness!

So I went back to visit my doctor, he took me seriously and sent me for bloods, he listed a few things that it could be but also mentioned that it could just be “one of those things” with no cause or solution!!  I was hoping that it wouldn't be the latter!! I wanted this to be labeled, so that I could “fix” it and move on and get on with my life as a 29 year old not a 29 year old behaving like a 90 year old!

The results came back this morning and I've gotten the all clear for everything!! Yip, according to the doctors there’s nothing at all wrong with me! This should fill me with relief and happiness but it doesn't. if there’s nothing medically wrong with me, then what is wrong with me?

Why am I so tired all the time? I eat well, I exercise at least twice a week, I take vitamins, I’m young and (as we've now established) healthy. I just don’t get it. I’m ticking all the boxes but still I feel  exhausted, look awful (think pale with luggage under my eyes), have no energy, everything is an effort and I’m not feeling very positive at all.

The doctor recommend that I do more exercise and get some regular sleep. WTF!

So that’s my story, are you still with me?

This is how I feel

So the solution, well there isn't one really but I've decided that instead of being the whinge-bag Moaning Myrtle that I have been for the last 6 weeks (very sorry my family and friends)

I’m going to “Fake it till I Make it” So I've signed up for another 6 week challenge in my gym, I’m going to go to the 2 boot-camp classes a week, even if I have to crawl there and cry my way through it. I’m back to eating clean and I’m making plans to get out and stop allowing myself to stay home and wallow in my own self pity and tiredness…. (even tho that’s all I wanna do)

I’m hoping that by not allowing myself to be negative to others or to myself, that positive thinking will naturally come back to me and I’ll start to feel like myself again.

So “Fake it till I Make it” is my new motto.

My nails stayed bare for the whole month of August and oddly I didn't care!  I think that was more of a warning sign to my friends and family than the tiredness!! So I’m going to give myself one night a week and paint my nails until I get back into the swing, I've still been buying polish but not testing it out!! (very unlike me)

So I’ll keep you posted on how this Operation “Fake it till I Make it” goes for me.

Have any of ye felt like this? I've come so far (20.5 lbs lost this year) and I’m refusing to give up.. But its very tempting!