January 2015 Update

There’s something to be said about being a weight loss blogger who's kind of crap at losing weight. It’s embarrassing, and that’s why I haven’t been blogging all that much in the last few months.

I feel like my blog posts have become whingey and full of excuses, they’re aren't as positive or as progress-full (is that a word?) as I would like them to be….

But I think that this is ok? I’m not perfect, no body expects me to be and sometimes life gets in the way of things.

Also I’m like a bad penny, I might be down but I’m certainly not out. I refuse to give up. I’m not making much progress being a yoyo, but I’m refusing to give in and stay like this.

Because I’m not happy and I’m not comfortable, and I’m refusing to settle.. I've only got one body and I've been treating it like crap for years! Its taken me 30 years to realise this and now I’m sorry I've treated myself so badly!

Here’s a little update as to how I've been doing, January went well for me, I was eating good, cooking from scratch, trying a few new recipes, and not going berserk at the weekends (in my head weekend = food party/ all you can eat style! WHY!!!)

So facing the scales after non-food partying weekends was making me feel smug (& also expecting huge losses… why do I decide that 4 days in a row of good eating should equal half a stone gone?)

I was down, 1.5, 1.5, 3.5 and then I had a gain of 1.5.. which I wasn't expecting and I wasn't happy about. Shit happens eh? Yes it does, but what did I do? I ate my disappointment....literally!

Also the following week was my birthday week, so I had a night out, a hangover day/binge, followed by 2 dinners out for my birthday and wait for it….. 5 different kinds of cake for my birthday celebrations… yes, you read that correctly FIVE. .everyone is aware of my love affair with cake and all my lovely friends and family bought me cake for my birthday.. Sure it was my birthday and I was celebrating!!  So the 48 hours before facing the Slimming World weighing scales I had 2 dinners out and ate A LOT of cake

So there was no surprise when I jumped on the scales and had a gain of 5.5LBS

Yip, I managed to undo all of January's good eating and hard work in less than 7 days… But it didn't end there, Oh no, the birthday celebrations weren't over just yet!!

I was out with the lovely Slimming World ladies on Friday night for drinks and pizza slices, I was away on Saturday Night for my Birthday and we had car snacks (yes it’s a thing) and a 5 course dinner that evening followed by drinks (I don’t regret it, it was AMAZING.. and the Breakfast the following day… OMG **drooling just thinking about it**) All the photos are on my instagram page. Click HERE 

So here I am, its Monday AGAIN and I’m back on plan today.. my first day on plan is over 10 days, I’m guessing I’m back to the start again with my numbers... that wont be made official until Thursday night, so the next 4 days I am going to try to do a little bit of damage control and get the scales moving in the right direction again!!  I’m back in control again, I made my speed soup last night and that’s a baby step in the right direction at least…

I’m disappointed with myself but I enjoyed every single day of being off plan… but I’m ready to stop eating crap and treat my body properly, it won't thank me for the binge eating!!!

I don’t know what kind of penance would be recommend after that synful confession, but I  will definitely try harder. I have to if I want to start seeing results…..

January 2015 Stats
Week 1 = + 8.5
Week 2 = -1.5
Week 3 = -1.5
Week 4 = +1.5
Week 5 = + 5.5

Weight lost to date: 0lbs
Onwards and Downwards, the Slimming World way :)

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***Photos from Google Images***

HITTING THE WALL EMOTIONALLY!!

I think the title of this post speaks volumes!!I’m a bit lost and very frustrated at the moment and those combined are stressing me out and I’m very unhappy.

This unhappiness is stretching to all aspects of my life and affecting everyone in my life! You know the saying “Misery loves company” Well that’s me at the moment, I get annoyed by other people being cheery around me and rather than force a smile, I avoid and grunt and moan to myself!! How bad is that? Its sounds desperate!!

I've gotten stuck in a funk and Moaning Myrtle is a happy camper compared to how I feel at the moment! I’m very much in “poor me” mode, but add to this , my constant tiredness, crankiness, bitterness, sadness.. you do not want to be anywhere near me at the moment!

I was blaming the weather for this dark cloud that’s been circling my head for the last 2/3 weeks, but this week in Cork the weather has been lovely, cold, but sunny and bright and all things nice and lovely (puke) see I can’t even talk positively about the weather for gawd sake!!! I seem to be broken!!

I’m disappointed by my lack of progress on the scales this month even tho  I've upped my exercise. I’m also disgusted with myself that every time I didn't get what I deem to be a “good result” on the scales I binged, which is helping nobody and in fact holding me back from hitting my goals and targets!!

I get so mad and frustrated with myself for being weak and giving in to whatever it is on that particular day (food wise) that’s pushing me over the wedge!! And yet I can’t stop myself, I get that out of control feeling!! Its almost like an out of body experience for me!! I’m thinking about say a biscuit, and the next thing I know I've inhaled 3 without even tasting/ enjoying them, which to me is a complete and total waste!!  Has this ever happened to any of ye?

I also get into moods with myself, where I’m so tired/ cranky / unhappy that I just eat for the sake of eating and this is usually whatever’s at hand, be it, left over meat, crisps, crackers, things I wouldn't usually eat in a fit! Everything goes into my big gob to try and fill the empty unhappy feeling inside, but it doesn't work, if anything it makes me feel worse and then the guilt creeps in!! These binges used to be few and far between but lately they’re coming at me every few days and for the most part I give in, which makes me angry with myself OVER and OVER.

Can you see where I’m going with this? I’m on a rotater and in self destruct mode big time.

Its like the second I announced on here that I was 2lb away from being the lightest I've been in my adult life, I went and fought with it and somewhere deep inside I've decided I don’t want to be light? Which is madness in itself!!

I just don’t know!! All I know is that this is all on me and I’m a mess. I've lost my mojo along with my happy thoughts and also my guilty feeling.

Now I’m not back to eating bold 24/7 but I can feel myself slipping more and wanting to be bold more and more.

I've definitely hit a wall and this makes me want to hit myself!!!! Which is not the answer.

I'm hoping this feeling is temporary and I want to kick its ass and get back to being positive and happy.. but right now, this is how i feel, i should be knocking this wall down shouldn't I? I can't give up at the first hurdle can I? NO, I won't but I'd like too. 

Any advise or thoughts welcome