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| **Source Google Images** |
****Warning, this post is all over the place, so if you fancy a stroll though my random mental thoughts, read on****
I’m a bit
stuck at the moment and I’m finding it hard to find the words to begin to
explain where I am at!!
My heads
all over the place, I want to loose weight and I want to be fit and healthy and
happy, but at the same time I’m tired of the never ending struggle.
I’m sick of
the constant battle/ obsessing/ thoughts with myself on the what I can and
cannot eat.
I’m a firm believe
in the fake it till you make it mode
that I sometimes use to get my mojo going and to curb my over eating.
However, my
will power has been AWOL for a while now and although I’m full of good
intentions, I make food plans, book exercise classes etc,
I’m finding
that I’m very easily swayed at the moment. I’m eating my 3 good and healthy
meals in the day but I’m also giving myself permission to have all the other
extras that I worked so hard last year to cut out. Instead of smiling and
saying “no thanks” when offered anything other than a cup of tea I find myself
accepting the cake/ biscuits/ chocolate that’s being offered to me and going back
for more!
I've been
avoiding writing a post because I’m not sure what this means for me at the
moment! I kept telling myself that once I've had one total good week, then I’ll
come back and be on the wagon and start posting more often. But it hasn't
happened!! I've gotten to day 4 and then given in a had a **creme egg (*insert whatever’s
going) with my cuppa as a “treat” for being so “good”
But for
now, I’m tired!!! Its been 5 years this month since my weight loss journey
really began for me and I truly am a different girl to the once who started
this quest/journey way back then, physically and mentally. I have made a lot of
lifestyle changes. (see photos here)
Yes I’m
frustrated that after 5 years I am still no where near my goal/aim and that’s all
on me and my yo-yo way of doing things. I’m still my own worst enemy and worst
critic, but I think we’re all guilty of being very hard on ourselves. My point
is tho ( I do have one I promise) I think its time that I accept my body and
myself for who I am right now, yes I’m a work in progress.. but that’s how it
has to be, and I need to embrace this fact rather than living in denial and
avoiding mirrors. (ye read the post about my meltdown over my birthday outfit
last month)
I feel like
I've missed out on a lot of things over the years because I've allowed my
weight issues to rule me and my life.
I've put so
many things on the long finger and told myself that I’ll do that when I’m slim.
I've missed out on nights out and events because “I’d nothing to wear” I've avoided going to places for fear I’d be
the biggest person in the room and people would stare. I realize that all of these “things” are my
issues and all in my head, but at the same time theses thoughts/ fears have
been holding me back.
So I've
decided to try and embrace me for now and basically get over myself and start
enjoying my life as I am right now. I’m not getting any younger and life is
short.
By
accepting that loosing weight will be on ongoing theme in my life, I hope that I’ll
be more accepting of myself.. I know that I can continue to loose weight and
still enjoy myself. ( I just decided that I couldn't, for no reason at all!)
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I haven’t completely
throw in the towel just yet tho! Yes, I’m eating cake almost every day BUT I’m
exercising regularly too.. I’m really half assing things for now and I seem to
be almost maintaining. I’m up and down the same few pounds since the new year.
Jan +2
Feb -1.5
Mar +1
I don’t know
if any of you can even make sense of this post!
I do want
to loose weight, but I’m not willing to commit myself to it 100% at the moment!!
I know I’m the only person that can fix this and I’m sure I will…..
I know that this is something that I will
struggle and fight with for my whole life and I’ve accepted this to be my fate.
