Monday, 10 March 2014

Weight Update


**Source Google Images**



****Warning, this post is all over the place, so if you fancy a stroll though my random mental thoughts, read on****



I’m a bit stuck at the moment and I’m finding it hard to find the words to begin to explain where I am at!!
My heads all over the place, I want to loose weight and I want to be fit and healthy and happy, but at the same time I’m tired of the never ending struggle.

I’m sick of the constant battle/ obsessing/ thoughts with myself on the what I can and cannot eat.
I’m a firm believe in the fake it till you make it mode that I sometimes use to get my mojo going and to curb my over eating.

However, my will power has been AWOL for a while now and although I’m full of good intentions, I make food plans, book exercise classes etc,
I’m finding that I’m very easily swayed at the moment. I’m eating my 3 good and healthy meals in the day but I’m also giving myself permission to have all the other extras that I worked so hard last year to cut out. Instead of smiling and saying “no thanks” when offered anything other than a cup of tea I find myself accepting the cake/ biscuits/ chocolate that’s being offered to me and going back for more!

I've been avoiding writing a post because I’m not sure what this means for me at the moment! I kept telling myself that once I've had one total good week, then I’ll come back and be on the wagon and start posting more often. But it hasn't happened!! I've gotten to day 4 and then given in a had a **creme egg (*insert whatever’s going) with my cuppa as a “treat” for being so “good”


But for now, I’m tired!!! Its been 5 years this month since my weight loss journey really began for me and I truly am a different girl to the once who started this quest/journey way back then, physically and mentally. I have made a lot of lifestyle changes. (see photos here

Yes I’m frustrated that after 5 years I am still no where near my goal/aim and that’s all on me and my yo-yo way of doing things. I’m still my own worst enemy and worst critic, but I think we’re all guilty of being very hard on ourselves. My point is tho ( I do have one I promise) I think its time that I accept my body and myself for who I am right now, yes I’m a work in progress.. but that’s how it has to be, and I need to embrace this fact rather than living in denial and avoiding mirrors. (ye read the post about my meltdown over my birthday outfit last month)

I feel like I've missed out on a lot of things over the years because I've allowed my weight issues to rule me and my life.
I've put so many things on the long finger and told myself that I’ll do that when I’m slim. I've missed out on nights out and events because “I’d nothing to wear”  I've avoided going to places for fear I’d be the biggest person in the room and people would stare.  I realize that all of these “things” are my issues and all in my head, but at the same time theses thoughts/ fears have been holding me back.

So I've decided to try and embrace me for now and basically get over myself and start enjoying my life as I am right now. I’m not getting any younger and life is short.

By accepting that loosing weight will be on ongoing theme in my life, I hope that I’ll be more accepting of myself.. I know that I can continue to loose weight and still enjoy myself. ( I just decided that I couldn't, for no reason at all!)


**Source Google Images**




I haven’t completely throw in the towel just yet tho! Yes, I’m eating cake almost every day BUT I’m exercising regularly too.. I’m really half assing things for now and I seem to be almost maintaining. I’m up and down the same few pounds since the new year.

Jan +2

Feb -1.5

Mar +1

I don’t know if any of you can even make sense of this post!
I do want to loose weight, but I’m not willing to commit myself to it 100% at the moment!! I know I’m the only person that can fix this and I’m sure I will…..



I know that this is something that I will struggle and fight with for my whole life and I’ve accepted this to be my fate. 

3 comments:

  1. I appreciate how hard it must have been to press publish on this post, but I really thank you for doing so. Like you, I feel I'll be struggling with this all my life but I will NOT let it beat me. Keep pushing forward :)

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  2. Aaaah. I now feel like there is someone out there that gets it. I got to goal weight a few years back. Picked up all the weight and more.

    When the mind is not in it nothing will make the weight melt away. And when you have been doing it for a long time it does become stale. I have been at the same weight all year so far. I self sabotage myself often. I lose so well. Instead of being motivated after a loss I go and eat anything I want. Can't say what that behaviour is all about. But I do it. And I have no guit about it sometimes. It has been an 'ever-battle' to lose weight since.

    But one thing that is so true. Time to be accepting of ourselves. I was always so keen for people to love me and I would love them intensly, but I have never given myself the time of day I deserve.
    I have decided to stop being a bully to myself. Recently went to a wedding. The dress looked like a hot air balloon with tons of fabric all over the show. But I felt pretty. People said I looked pretty. The previous response would've been "urgh, I don't look good, but thanks". Now I just say "thank you" and with a smile to boot!

    We'll get there Vicki. :). It will fall into place. Happy Bubble Gal is right now.

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  3. This is great! I think the biggest problem regarding weight loss is that people don't eat enough which results in metabolic damage which then results in people spending the rest of there lives trying to get in to shape. So many people get in shape from eating dangerously low amounts of calories and excessive amounts of cardio and then then they gain it all back and can't get it off again.

    Thanks

    My Blog: http://lose-weight-the-correct-way.com/

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