Monday, 28 January 2013

Week 3 Weigh-in 2013‏

Hey Guys,

I'm happy to report that I was down 2lbs this week.

I found the week a little bit tough, with the weather being all over the place!! Snow on Monday, ice and rain and cold for the rest of the week! I was lucky that I had 2 spin classes booked or I wouldn’t have gotten any exercise in at all in the week!
Its only when the weather turns like this that I regret not having a gym membership anymore!
But I definitely prefer walking the roads. It’s a great feeling to wrap up, plug the iPod into my ears and just walk, walk walk, blow away the cobwebs and leave my worries behind for just a little bit. But unfortunately with our indecisive Irish weather, this hasn’t been possible in the last 7 days.
We’ve been having the 4 seasons in one day. But never the appropriate weather at my allocated walking time!! BOO.

So I was extra careful with my portion sizes for my dinner this week and I had no slips at all this week, which I’m very proud of. I always find Thursday and Fridays evenings to be tough! I’m not sure if its because I don’t do classes on those days of because my inner demons are trying to escape out and sabotage my good days!! But I didn’t give in and I’m hoping that by not giving in, I’ll become stronger and the good habits will take over.

Everyday for me is a struggle if I’m honest! Not just with saying no to food (that will always be a toughie for me) but with things like deciding what to wear to work, this shouldn’t be as big of an issue as it is for me; and if you saw what I do wear to work half the time, you’d think I got dressed in the dark!! But even just deciding what top to put on with my black/grey trousers leaves me sleepless some nights!
I hate feeling uncomfortable at work, it’s a long day sitting at my desk if my top is too short or my vest wont stay tucked into my pants! I feel super self conscious and extra rotten!
And I know that this is all in my head and nobody in my office takes any notice of what I’m wearing or how I look! But its an awful feeling and this can too leak into my social life, or lack of one.

If I’m not comfortable in my “work clothes” I’m definitely not comfortable in my “weekend clothes” I’ve started avoiding going out if at all possible. The cinema is probably the only place that I’ve ventured too this month, and that’s fine because I get to sit in the dark for a few hours.
At the moment being in my pjs is my outfit of choice, not very practical or attractive! I’ve been living in a bubble of work, walk/spin, shower, tv, bed. So there’s no room or option for an outing that requires me to put on my “skinny” jeans or make the effort!!! And it sucks. Big time.

This has happened to me once before and I let it take over my life for about 6 months! I didn’t go outside the door! The thoughts of getting dolled up to go to the pub scares the life out of me!
I just feel that nothing looks nice or right on me. And I do know that everyone feels like this at some stage. But I feel like this ALL the time at the moment.

I had hoped that as the weight started to melt away that I’d be happy to try on a few bits and go out and get out of my rut! But so far this hasn’t happened! I’m half blaming the January Blues and also the weather, but I know its one of my body issues surfacing again!
When will I be comfortable in my own skin? Its not a question that I can answer and I don’t like not knowing the answer.

Its my birthday next weekend and my lovely boyfriend is taking me to Edinburgh for the weekend. Which I’m super excited about, neither of us have been there beforeJ BUT it means that I have to pack for 4 days away and 2 nights out. Its been playing on my mind for the last two weeks, trying to decide what the hell can I pack and wear and look and feel good in? The only thing that’s soothes these thoughts is that we’ve been warned that its freezing there, so I have bought a big black duvet coat, so for 80% of the trip I’ll be hidden away.
Isn’t it terrible though that I’m half dreading the trip because I can’t decide what to wear!! A total first world and probably silly problem! But the thought of it fills me with dread!

BUT I refuse to let these feelings and negative thoughts win. NO WAY! I’m working hard and I know that my thoughts and attitude have to stay positive if I’m to over come this bought of “madness”
And I know that it will get better as I loose the weight and my lovely dresses start to look like dresses rather than tents on me.

So I have to look at the positives. I’m down on the scales, I’m being taken away for my birthday and I intend to enjoy every minute of that.
I’m not going to let these horrible feelings take over my head or wreck my birthday weekend away nor will it hinder my progress.

I can do this and so can you. Stay Strong and positive.

6lbs  lost, 54lbs to go.... 

**Apologies for the rant, this was not the blog post I sat down to write! But its what came out!

Do any of ye feel like this? What do ye do to over come it?

1 comment:

  1. First off massive congrats on the weight loss!! You're doing so well girl:D

    Also always look at the positive. do not let the negative weigh in and put you down! You're making the change. Don't let clothes worries put you down and just enjoy your trip. Also if you're into anything scary I HIGHLY recommend the Vaults tour, absolutely amazing!!